Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
