Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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