So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
