u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
