Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
