I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And then my night got REAL pukey
I came so hard my ears popped.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
