Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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