But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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