I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
