Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Found the puke drawer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
tell me about the eggs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
