i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize