Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
