It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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