I think my vagina is haunted
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize