I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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