I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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