Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
