that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
