Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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