I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
