your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So drunk its hurt
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize