The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
