just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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