i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize