my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
