how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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