I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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