Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
