She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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