I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
