areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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