is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
