mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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