Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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