Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
