I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize