fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
