You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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