I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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