i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
