why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
