He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My bed smells like the plague
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
