I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
