In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
