Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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