Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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