bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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