That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
