my room smells like sperm. sweet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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