Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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