You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
