Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
