You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
