great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
