I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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