I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
