Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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