I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
