I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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