you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
