I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
