Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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