Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
