you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
