a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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