Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
