I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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