I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
